when tv's have tea
by Bennett-Royal eats children
Summary: this is a book i am working on. it is not finished
1. Chapter 1: Heels of Hell

A person minding their own business shopping in Wal-Mart looking at women's underwear and panty ho's was completely unexpected to the events that would come next. As this large elderly man in a pink nighty walked backwards down the aisles fantasizing about how he'd look in 20 panty ho's at once, he received a tap on the shoulder. He turned around and saw nothing. Nothing at all. So he shrugged and went on doing his own thing. He felt the tap again. He turned around, saw nothing. The store was nearly empty as for it was 3 am. The gentle man shopping for woman's lingerie at 3 am would be frank. Frank was sort of concerned about the strange tapping but went on his way. Soon, at complete random, a baby doll went flying through the air and nailed frank in the back of his skull.

Completely flustered now, he whips around and yells "what is this? If you wanna approach me just do it and quit with these games!" in the corner of his eye he saw clothes moving on the clothes rack in the maternity section. He wandered over to this moving rack in high hopes of finding this hoodlum. As he starting looking through the clothes on the circular rack he heard high pitched eerie giggling. As the giggling began sounding like an extremely high pitched witch laugh, a very long red high heel appears out of no where and stabs him right in the left eye. Then again in the right and the action repeated several times.

The next morning at Wheatland high, Kaycee, Stevie, Caitlin and Megan were all talking in the commons like they usually did. Stevie kept saying this girl named Bethany was there with them as well, but no one really acknowledged it because Stevie never really seemed all the way there. Why did she seem not all the way there you ask? Because out of the group she is the one who comes up with all the off the wall crap. Megan seemed to be the brain of the bunch. She really loved technology. Kaycee was the go-lucky cowgirl and Caitlin was the trouble causer. She always thought she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth.

As the crew was rambling, Caitlin was talking about how she wants to wear heels to feel tall and intimidating towards society. Kaycee sarcastically says "oh Caitlin, you already scare society without the whore cleats" just as Caitlin began to glare in annoyance a giant walking television walks buy wearing bright white running shoes. As it walked by the news station was broadcasting that a man was found dead in Wal-Mart. The details went on saying that the man was found dead laying in the clothing aisle with his eyes gouged out 30 times and a large red high heel rammed up his rear end. There were no finger prints, no motives, no haters. Nothing. Not a trace of evidence. The killer was still out there, untraceable. Faceless. Although the killer was probably a little lop sided, wearing only one heel.

Megan says "oh wow, that person has some pretty interesting issues shoving their shoes up people's rumps." Kaycee abruptly says, "so why exactly do you want to intimidate society?" Caitlin responds " because they are not worthy of my intelligence, duh." Stevie remarks "wow, someone inflated their Caitlin doll with a little too much hot air." Then Cheyenne rides by on her broom and over hears the conversation and reflex's her thoughts "Anyone who has a Caitlin blow up doll, must be blind cuz um yikes" and floats away, her broom gliding over the top of the tv. Caitlin responds "omg. Can you believe that freak? Some peoples kids" then glares and an awkward silence begins only to be interrupted by the TV walking back by with Megan saying "Seeya tebo!" and gives him a hug but gets zapped from the static. All the young squires giggle at her pain and Stevie says "easy killer, bethany thinks its sad u love a walking piece of equipment"******

that night, Cheyenne was doing her usually patty cakes with her reflection. Nothing to off the wall here. Pretty quiet. But then, she hears her floor creaking. a little scared, she tries to ignore it and plays patty cake faster. As the sounds came a crossed the house the sound went from creaking to tapping as if someone were in heels. Every time the tapping got faster she played harder and harder until the mirror broke. Then complete silence. Whoever was there was playing. Then outta nowhere Caitlin falls from the ceiling above her and attacks. Don't worry she was just joking. "hahaha that's what you get for saying I was an ugly blow up doll" then licks her face. Cheyenne responds "dude what the freak?" then Caitlin leaves claiming she had some unfinished business to attend to.

Meanwhile Megan, at her home, was playing her saxophone as usual. Everything was nice and calm. As she began to play a song she was trying to perfect, she heard a strange tapping sound and stopped. Heard nothing. Started playing again and again she heard the tapping so she stopped. And again so did the tapping. What could it be? Was it her dogs? No. her dog was out soul searching. Could it be her mom? No. her mom was in Ireland planting potatoes. What was it? As she tries to focus on playing, she receives a tap on the shoulder. She turns around sees nothing. A little creeped out she begins wondering if she should panic. As she got up and headed towards the door she felt another tap in the shoulder. She turns around sees nothing but notices the closet was ajar. She wondered over there to close it when out of nowhere a random baby doll goes flying through the air and nails Megan in the spine. She whips around and yells "good gravy!"*******

The next day at Wheatland high Stevie Caitlin and Kaycee were deeply wondering where Megan went. She never misses school. Then the walking TV walks by with the usual news blaring. as he walked a news alert passed his screen. We all zoom in and listen. The news went on saying that Megan Barnes was found dead in her bedroom early this morning. Her eyes were gouged out 30 times and a blue high heel was rammed up her rear end. Still no evidence of any nature detected. Caitlin acts proud and full of herself. Strange. As everyone wept for Megan, Stevie seemed angry. Kaycee says "Goodness this killer should visit Caitlin sense they are leaving whore cleats with their victums she'd love it" Caitlin over heard and pushed Kaycee with massive force causing Kaycee to fall into Tebo causing him to fall and scuff his brand new white shoe.*****

That night Caitlin and Kaycee were hanging out as usual. After having an argument over ravioli, Caitlin claims she needed to use the bathroom. In the meantime, Kaycee received a tap on the shoulder. She turned and saw nothing. Nothing at all. She thought it was her dog playing a trick so she ignored it. She felt the tap again. Turned and saw nothing. Feeling fairly creped out, she was headed over to see if Caitlin fell in the toilet cause she was taking so long, but then out of nowhere the random baby doll went flying through the air smacking Kaycee in her skull. She turned around in fright and yelled "great Scott!"***

The proceeding day it was just Caitlin and Stevie. Stevie was side tracked arguing with Bethany when the TV walked by as usual. This time it was broad casting that Cheyenne wicke was found dead in a safe way bathroom with her eyes gouged out 30 times and a black high heel rammed up her rear end. Caitlin began freaking out and yelling "Where's Kaycee!" Stevie told her to calm down and that they would look for her after school. Caitlin walks over to the TV and says why are you mobile anyway and shuts it off. Stevie says " I know where she is, she is at her house". So they went there and looked In all the rooms and walked upon her corpse in the kitchen. She was lying face first in her ravioli. Her eyes were gouged out 30 times with three yellow heels crammed up her rear end. Caitlin looked at Stevie in horror. "How did you know she was here?" Stevie answered "Bethany". Caitlin called the cops on Stevie. The police officer put on the case was Emily Royal. Emily was pretty irritated she'd have to waste her time on this when she could be arresting a mutant tea party for being too ugly for society. She interviewed them both. Stevie swore up and down it was Bethany but Emily just labeled her as nuts and fell all over Caitlin.

That night Caitlin was knitting a sweater out of caterpillar spit and pink spaghetti noodles when she received a tap on the shoulder. She turned around thinking it was her mom. No one was there. So she went on knitting. She felt the tap again turned around, saw nothing. Feeling unnerved, she got up and headed to the stairs to end her misery by jumping down them, but a random baby doll hit her in the back of her skull. She turned around in sheer terror… *****

the next day Stevie was in her cell. Silent. Zoned out. Then Emily knocked on the bars and said, "hey, we need to talk." Stevie walked over to the bars and said "yes?" "your friend Caitlin was found dead this morning at the bottom of her stairs, her eyes were gouged out 30 times and fifty purple heels crammed up her rectum. If you know who did it, Tell me now and you're off the hook." Stevie proceeded to tell her it was Bethany and talked about each of the victims. She proceeded to point out that frank was tied into this because he brought the walking tv to the high school. Stevie then said she could share no more info and gave herself swirlies till she drowned in the toilet. It dawned on Emily. The TV. Bethany had a thing for tebo the TV. She attacked anyone who was ever in contact with him at any time. It had to be destroyed. It was the only way to stop the madness. The next day at Wheatland high, Emily was waiting for the TV to walk buy on his usual rout. As he walked by Emily threw a net over him and threw him on top her car and drove to a secluded area. There she shoved tebo off a cliff. Then informed the city not to worry about the murders as there would be no more.******

the next morning a broadcast came over the radio stating that police officer Emily royal was found dead early that morning. Her eyes were gouged out thirty times and a baby doll wearing high heels was rammed up her rear end. The killer was still out there. Faceless. Untraceable.


	2. Chapter 2:The Scorned Unite

The sports channel was blaring from tebo as he fell down the cliff. every time he hit a rock the channel would change. It went from nick jr., to CNN, to naked ladies galore, to animal planet; to the history channel showing a bomb explode right before he smashed to the ground blowing out his screen. There he was, lying in the dark cold mud. Broken screen, soiled scuffed shoes.

Later into the evening, Bethany had found tebo after taking care of the cop Emily. She then called a tv repair man and 911. When they somehow managed to get to the bottom of the cliff without crashing and repaired the tv, Bethany tried to pay them with high heels. But, sense Bethany is invisible, all they heard was a voice and saw floating heels so they called a ghost buster out of fear. The cable guy says to the medic, "oh my god! Those heels are home shopping, and I think they like our rump real estate!" the medic screams like a little girl. The ghost buster shows up out of no where riding on the back of the state puff marshmallow man. He then sucks Bethany into his ghost vacuum and stomps away with the ghost buster theme song blaring and fading as he got farther and farther out of view.

The medic gives the cable guy a high five. They then begin rambling about how they were the ones who solved the murder case and were awesome for it. Tebo heard this and was outraged. His one true love is gone, forever. He then stormed over to the two aggressively and cornered them. After several moments of intensified awkward silence his screen popped on and turned to a sequence of strange unusual pornographic channels, consisting of a manly woman kissing a snake in a tub of tomato sauce naked. He made them watch until their eyes shriveled up and they fainted. then as it began to rain again he touched them with his shoe and shocked them to death. He then walked over to Bethany's heels and switched them with his bright white running shoes. Now it was official, tebo was a killer.

As tebo tapped his way back up the cliff in his heels, he began thinking he could not get back at the world alone with no hands. He decided he would have to seek out some help to accomplice his mission to take over the world... But who?

As Tebo continues his long journey upon the cliff, he begins feeling a deep sadness for the mere fact his invisible woman bit the big one. As his sadness grows his screen pops on and a Spanish soap opera begins blaring and echoing through the dense quiet of air heavy by death. As he nears the top, he twists his ankle from not knowing how to walk on heels, thus causing him to fall on his screen.

His insufficiencies causes tebo great frustration. He then starts throwing a tantrum and running towards the road as his heels' tapping echoes in the silence; only to be stopped dead in his tracks. Tebo saw a very disturbing site. On the ground before him laid the dead cop. She laid there with a baby doll rammed up her rear end with only the feet and tiny heel's on them visible. Surrounding Emily, were several business cards. Just as an eye doctor commercial goes on his screen he zooms in to the business cards to see what they say.

As he read there were a series of people enlisted on these cards. But a specific one tickled his fancy. It beheld: "spider Face" club loaning adviser 303-514-1495 0322 club st. wheatland ny

Sense tebo had no hands, he obviously couldn't dial the number on the card. He went for the best next thing; going to the address. As he entered this bizarre building with deafening music and blinding lights, he began scanning the room for anyone who would possibly be this so called spider. As he scanned, something darted across the floor startling him, causing his screen to pop on to a screaming woman on a horror film. He began pondering what it was. He saw the shadow glide by again. Curiosity killed the cat. But in this case, tebo wasn't scared of anything. The evil sensation from his heels were spreading threw his wiring.

The shadow on the floor had scurried over to this mass of very nerdy people who were more than likely forty who lived with their moms. Tebo barged threw the nerds in high hopes of finding this mystery spider. Within the nerd circle, a girl was standing there. She was extremely skinny with eight very hairy legs and arms and had small baby teeth. She seemed to fit her title, "spider face". She wore a hat with the letters "A.S.S" on it. Tebo went over and asked in a very fuzzy robotic voice such as those pre recordings for phone service. " spider face?" spider face replied " what do you want?" the tv replied " I need to know how you were connected to the cop, Emily royal, she tried to kill me." Spider face began a creepy laugh bearing her gross baby teeth and replied " what did she do, unplug you?" the tv began tapping his heel on the floor impatiently. An awkward silence started between the two. " just tell me!" shrieked tebo. " why should i!" chirped the spider.

Tebo wasn't in the mood for games. He lifted up his leg and hopped towards spider face's spider ish face with his heel toward it saying " you'll tell me or I'll crush you like the pest you are!" spiders beady eyes grew large as she said " ok! Ok! She called me up when there were some murders going on or something. She wanted to see if our mutant tea party was behind it because of its queer nature. So, she would meet me up at the club to talk. I don't have very much free time being the loan adviser for a.s.s ya know." The TV's screen when blank with confusion.

"what is a.s.s anyway?" tebo asked. Spider replied " Assorted slurping sluts. It's a business my boss started up." Tebo concurred "oh, why would officer royal come to you people for a strange murder case, besides your ugliness." Spider replied "my boss….. Is one twisted puppy" the tv like this statement. His screen popped on with a dentist commercial showing a lady smile greatly. " hmmmm can I meet this "tea party" possibly?" the spider started tapping her fingers on her head " ummm I spose so, meet me here next Tuesday at 7 pm. I will lead you to our next tea party for the weeks mission." The tv said "great now get away" then his screen popped on showing a raid spray commercial. The spider screamed and scurried into the nerds' cluster once more. Tebo strutted out with his heels to a near by radio shack to rest.

The following Tuesday tebo decided to head on down to the club around 6:45 pm. Spider was there Just like she had assured him. She signaled him to come closer. Tebo walked over with slight hesitation. Whait if it was a trick? She signaled him to be quite and to follow. Tebo's screen popped on with a mime instructional program. It was fairly quiet in the club as for people didn't really start showing up till around 8. Threw the silence, his heels tapping on the floor echoed as a door reading "personnel only" appeared before them.

It seemed to take hours to walk down this putrid stair case. It swirleld, twirled, twisted and turned. As they hit the bottom they seemed to be in the cellar of the club. As tebos screen switched to Sherlock holmes he began scanning the room decideing what he thought. What he saw as he scanned was a giant long table from the mid evil times zone, several people sitting around at the table with very strange name tags at their seats. The tags were names such as miss cotton, the stain, Alaska, gucomoli, the eye, the spider, mystery man, Sydney lady, licky chicky, Hannah Montana, tanna the banna, bi ry the fly, hippo lady, ear lobe, fish, roley poley, and doe boy. The people who sat around the table were not people at all, they fit their names well. Tebo liked this. As he continued scanning, he noticed they all ahd little cups of tea. It was a real tea party. On the walls were cob webs and some sort of goo. There was a picture of officer royal on the wall taped to a dart board. Tebo like this. He went over and sat down at the table. However, sense he was a giant walking television, he was much to heavy for the chair causing it to break.

As a crying baby appeared on his screen, a smell of smoke sausage entered the room. What was it? Then a series of fire truck siren sounds started echoing as it got closer and closer, louder and louder. It was a running man on fire. But as he ran closer from the passage way, it appeared to be a fat manly woman in a bikini, who was inflamed. The inflamed person sat down at the seat tagged "icky Vicky inflamed man kitty". The man on fire looked around and spoke her thoughts. "UGH!" in a very low voice.

All the mutants chattered at the table and sipped tea, the chattering simmered as a sound that sounded like suction cups began echoing from the same passage way. As the chilling silence spread threw out the party, the suction cup sounds began to get louder. The louder they got the more a strange formed shadow became visible on the side of the passage way. The form seemed to be a creature about five feet 3 inches tall. It had a very strange almost peanut shaped head anchored on top of a series of tentacles. A top the head, appeared to be a horn; on the wrong side of her skull.

She became visible now, and she was scarier than tebo had figured. Her skin color was, pale, almost dead looking but the gloomy texture of her skin was extinguished by her bright red pimple/ crab bite appearing beard going a crossed her well rounded chin. Her beady eyes pierced threw any who dared to look into them. She gracefully moved her tentacles towards the biggest, throned royalty appearing chair at the table. As she began to rest her tentacles on the chair, tebo noticed her name tag was extremely long. It was a series of letters. " BKKPUHPHDFMMPTHACS/SOITW"

Spider face was situated at her chair and she complied "horn, are we ready to initiate meeting number 3,679?" The squid creature glanced over to the spider and began a strange almost reptilish slurping sound. Tebo guessed that's how she talked. Spider then said "alright the meeting is now In session. We have a guest today as some of you may have noticed. Everyone meet Tebo, the giant walkling television from wheatland high." All the mutants stared in silence. "tebo let me introduce you to everyone". She scurried over to the first chair to the right which was licky chicky. She was a girl with a long frog like tongue who licked the unexpected. She wiggled her tongue as spider said "this is licky chicky." She went to the next chair and said "meet Alaska" Alaska was a small model of a mountain. Spider then introduces the rest of the mutants at the meeting including : miss cotton,a darker skinned girl with an afro who deeply enjoyed cotton and wore cotton clothing, the stain, who appeared to be nothing but a white t shirt with a stain on it, guacamole, who was a jumbo bowl of chip dip with a blue tortilla chip in it, mystery man, who appeared to be a giant hovering question mark with a detective hat on, Sydney lady, who simply seemed like a slut, Hannah Montana, a close resemblance of the Disney Hannah Montana but with a huge nose, tanna the banana, a banana who peeled in anger, bi ry the fly, who looked like just a common house fly, hippo lady, a almost hippo looking girl who had a fetish for death, ear lobe, who was a giant random ear who was there to keep everyone updated on what she hears, fish, a half man half fish creature, roley poley, a bug that enjoyed role play too much, silly doll, a girl who seemed almost plastic, and doe boy a chubby boy who closely resembled the philsbery doe boy.

Spider then pointed towards the entry way with one of her legs and said " oh yes, and here we have the eye. She is the look out for us." The eye was literally a giant eye wearing a trench coat. Spider then scurried over to the person on fire. "this is Icky Vicky inflamed man kitty, but she prefers to be called man on fire. She is horn's lover" the spider scurried over to the strange squid creature. " here we have backwards kyla katshit pie unihorn period head dog fishy mutated manikin pepto testicle hair ass clown shoe/ STD octopus inflatable tranny woman. But, for short we call her Horn. Horn cannot speak like the rest of us can, but I learned her language so I shall be the translator." Spider then went back to her chair. Horn shifted her beady eyes towards tebo and began slurping. When she stopped tebo said "what?" then spider said " she is asking what you want from us and why are you here." Tebo replied " tell horn that I am here because I know you guys hated that cop Emily royal, and she is the cop who tried to kill me. She is the reason my beloved Bethany is dead, and I thought sense you guys are full of hate too you could help me. Help me take out this world, help me finish what Bethany started." Spider began translating to horn. As she translated, Alaska brought over some tea for tebo.

Spider then replied with her answer to tebo " horn says that she has seen the work of your lover on the news, she has already taken out everyone we wanted to. You stole our work. But my question is, why?" tebo's screen showed an airplane for some reason as he began to speak. " well, it all began on may 14th at 8:30 am. I was brought to the wheatland high school by a man of the name frank culvokesky. He told me I was brought there to keep the school updated with the latest technology and news." The eye interrupts " ya ya ya this is really entertaining, NOT! What's this have to do with anything." The TV stands up aggressively and faces the eye, who in turn appeared to be one of the shortest. Around 3 feet tall. The tv said sneerly "why don't you take some eye drops and calm down!" then turned back to the table and continued with his story.

"as I was saying, he told me I had a grand purpose as he programmed my antenna to pick up the schools signal. But that's not exactly what happened when I started my first walk thru the school." "what happened!" yelled miss cotton. Horn took one of her tentacles and extended it four seats down t to miss cotton and gave her a hardy slap upon her face. She aggressively slurped. Spider then said "horn is saying that she wants to hear the tv, so pipe down." Silence begins. The tv breaks the silent streak by saying " well my purpose was to walk a certain rout everyday around the school and Blair the news. I felt extremely confident about it because I had brand new bright white running shoes to make this job with. However, the job got lonely at times because no one ever talks to a tv. This all changed one early morning.

That early morning as I was resting by the soda machines in the commons, I heard a voice say "I love your shoes" I was confused and said "who's there? Where are you?" the voice said "right here, I'm invisible silly!" I said "oh my I like your see thoroughness." The voice giggled. It was love at first sound. She was invisible, I was a giant walking television. We were both freaks. Sense that day she began showing me how she could cause havoc with her see through talent. She would do stuff and the students would get blamed. If your wondering why she noticed my shoes, she has a shoe fetish, particularly heels. We both eventually decided that it was time to be recognized for something much more powerful than just the mere fact of are freaky appearances. She didn't care how it started, as long as she got to use her heels as the weapon. I suggested we start with who ever touched me first sense I noticed she got really angry and jealous about it anyway. She made her first move on frank because technically, he touched me first. She followed him from the school that day and waited for a time when they were alone which was at wal-mart.

Everything was falling into place. The kids were dropping like flies until some how officer royal got a hint of what was happening. Then last Friday when Bethany was taking an invisible crap I decided to go ahead and head down my rout without her and the next thing I know is I have a net over me I'm strapped to a car and shoved off a cliff. Then when I wake up I see Bethany being sucked away by the ghost busters. I found her heels however and put them on in her memory and eventually ended up here. Now, if I may ask, why do you all hate that cop so much?"

the mutants chatter amgounst themselves. The eye spoke above the chattering. "I'll tell ya why!" her eye was blood shot and a tear slipped away as she began " She tricked every one of us! She acted like she loved us, just until we admitted our crimes, then booked us!" tebo asks " what kind of crimes?" the eye responded " horn, got her restutraunt shut down for cruelty to animals and unsafe cooking, man on fire got charged with harming people with second hand smoke, I got charged with selling jamamincan eye drops, spider got in trouble for stalking people, Alaska got in trouble for stealing canned snow, the guocamoli got in trouble for cutting people with her chip, it goes on and on." Tebo looked alittle puzzled " well, how didn't you guys know she was a cop?"

The soap, one of the newest members who was a giant bar of ivory soap that had red eyes of hatrid, was located at the random sink next to the passage way began saying " she was in disguise pretty much." She jumped off the sink and wandered toward the table walking almost cat like with her thin black legs staring at tebo " she was really a pretty girl. She had long brown hair, hazel eyes that would make you melt, a rockin' body, and wore a tight leather outfit kinda like cat woman at times and had sexy red lip stick on and well," the soap began to giggle " she seduced us all then as we began trusting her to be bad like us we would tell her our illegal activity, she would arrest and charge us. Clever bitch." The eye began yelling " don't talk about her that way I love her!" silly doll then shrieked " I can't believe she's gone, I miss her insults!" man on fire began running around the table upset and all the mutants began crying like little children who didn't get their way. There was so much sudden chaos no one could think. The horn started launching crab like creatures threw her horn aimlessly around the room in rage and miss cotton's cotton hair inflated so large it drew everyone's attention. She began "look, as you can see we are pretty sensitive about it. She was so amazing we should have seen it coming. Why would she be with us? We're freaks." A silence begins once more until tebo thought of a pep talk to get everyone back on track. " this is what I mean." He began almost doing some sort of tap dance as he stood. "Aren't you tired of everyone seeing you as a freak and nothing more? Don't you want people to be under your mercy? Take that hate you have and use it for power." The horn begins grabbing mutants with her tentacles and placing them back in their seats. She walks over and hugs her inflamed lover. Her slime was nonflammable so she did not burn. She then looked up and began slurping rapidly " I believe this tv has a valid point. And plus, imagine the DRAMA we could cause, sounds like heaven." The mutants started giggling As spider continued to translate the slurps " but how on earth will we do this. Our plans always fail. Does anyone have any ideas?"

The mutants began scheming amongst themselves sounding like little gobblins. Bi ry the fly buzzed around in the air and went towards the giant semi-withered banana so she could get her to speak her idea. The banana began "bi ry thinks we should commence plan 80025." The fish began flopping in confusion "whats that again?" the stain responded "its where we try and mess up people's love lives so that the world is unhappy. You know the one where we make up stuff and say it to the person's significant other." The eye replied "no, no, that one failed along with making up dirty things about what people did with us." Man on fire tries saying her thoughts "UGH! UGH!" no one understood. Sydney lady spoke for the first time "how about we spread stds all over the country. That would be fun" she winks and then re positions her bra for her stripping outfit. Eye said sneerly "you do that on your own time, we don't have to." It seemed this tea party was going in a circle of nowhere fast.

Tebo looked down at his tea and his screen popped on showing a light bulb commercial. " I have an idea! " all the mutants look at him with anticipation. Tebo begins saying " well, what if we made some kind of tea, perhaps one that will put them under horn's control." He starts tapping his heel on the cracked cement floor. "you all could create it, I could advertise it so people will want to run and buy it." As spider translated the plan to horn, horn began grinning ear to ear. She began slurping. Spider began translating her slurps. "She says that we shall commence the plan ASAP. Meeting adjourned."

All the mutants began to stir from the table. Spider approaches tebo. "We shall come up with a formula for the tea and present it to you next week at the next tea party. Same time. Same place." She then makes her way towards the stairway. Tebo then decides to head to the local wal-mart to rest in the electronic section. In the mean time, the mutants began thinking of ingredients for this new tea. Horn put Alaska, man on fire, and the eye in charge of making the formula.


	3. Chapter 3: a spoon of evil with your tea

It was dark in the cellar. Empty and creepy as usual. Alaska hops over full of joy and says "this is my chance to shine in horn's eyes!" man on fire still sitting at her seat looked over at the little bouncing mountain and began to laugh, although her laugh sounded just like her talking " UGH UGH UGH" . The eye gracefully hovers towards them from the random passage way carrying jars and beakers and, of course, bags of tea. "pipe down you over sized shaved gorilla!" she snaps at man on fire. Man on fire shuts up and begins making a strange purring sound almost like a cat. The eye then shifts her pupil toward the bouncing mountain and yells " you stupid worthless model, if you want to be noticed by horn than you best stop acting so happy. She hates happiness. And also, get over here and help me come up with some possible formulas." She raises her sleeve in man on fires direction and motions her to come closer " come here and lay on this table. Sense we can't understand a damn word from you, we will just heat up the tea on your bulbous belly." Man on fire runs towards her, but of course goes past the table. Alaska then gets her serious behavior out and says to the man on fire " icky Vicky! Look at me, I'm something you can melt, come get me!" man on fire runs towards Alaska. Alaska then tips over on her side tripping man on fire with her tip causing her to fall on the table. "STAY!" sneered Alaska. "excellent job my little mountain" said the eye as her single eye brow curved in an evil style.

Alaska then hops upon the corner of the table with a big thick book of different species of plants in different forests and flips it open with her corner. As the model mountain reads the eye begins putting together the first sample ingredient which was Nyquil medicine mixed with seven up mixed with nail polish remover. She then mixed it with the tea and let it cook together on man on fire's stomach. They then fed it to a black and white cat they had in a small barred cage on the table. Alaska then told horn threw a walky talkey to try to control the cat. The only thing that happened to the cat is it had projectile diarrhea. After a series of try and fails with different house hold chemicals, the eye had a sudden idea. Her pupil dilated as she announced " wait! I know why horn has no control!" Alaska says " go on." "well, we need something from horn, some kind of DNA to mix into the tea so there is some kind of connection to her and the tea." Eye said feeling proud of her intelligence " not only that, but we need the mint kinikinik cha-cha plant from the amazon" Alaska added almost in a British accent. " GREAT how are we supposed to get there?" said the eye as her eye brow wiggled like a worm.

"UGH UGH UUUUUUUUUGHH" screeched the man on fire. The eye lifts her sleeve and slaps the man on fire upon the face " SHUT UP! Your worse than one of those yapping poodles." Man on fire becomes silent as Alaska begins saying " hhhmmmm, I'm not sure. I think fish has sewage portals that end up all over the place. Perhaps we can use those, and eye, your sleeve is on fire." The eyes pupil shifts toward her sleeve and she lets out a squeaky gasp " oh heaven forbid!" she then hovers quickly towards the sink next to the passage way, but is too short to reach it. The soap peaks over to see what the commotion is about and sees the eye burning "hold on!" she yells as she begins dumping cups of water on her. After the commotion ceased, man on fire and Alaska move toward the passage way " well come on eye, we need to get this done before tomoro night….or we'll have to wear the dress of shame again." The eye gets up quickly and says "right. Lets go"

The dark passage way led to a chamber where all the mutants stuff is. Where they stayed in their free time. They went over to fish's station and to the right on the wall was his sewage portal entrance. With no warning the man on fire leaps in and is launched off. "oh no! eye go get her! She'll never make it." Yelled Alaska in terror. The eye, who was terrified of swimming, picked up the little mountain and chucked her in the hole in the wall. After hearing a splash the eye hears "hey come on. we're waiting on you!" the eye then put her contact in and leaped in the hole. It was like a water slide twisting and turning and throwing the eye into the bottom of the pit with the other two. At the bottom of the pit, there were at least 23 different portals to take. The portals were labeled with letters of the alphabet. "um, which one is the right one?" Alaska said as she jumped on eyes shoulder. "hhmm, when in doubt go with c!" the three ran towards the third portal and dived in.

They were within a tube that twisted and turned with strange strobe lights flashing. The mutants were spit out in a burger king bathroom in canada. They climb out of the toilet. "well this is obviously wrong. The amazon has no burger kings." Sneered Alaska. Man on fire ran towards the last sink on the left and started pointing at it. The eye hovers over and says " look, its not really a sink" she moved the fake sink out of the way " another portal" she says with a sparkle in her eye. "someones coming!" yelled Alaska they all hurried and leaped into the portal. This time the three were launched into the Amazon River.

Sense the other two could not swim, man on fire carried them to the surface and went to dry land. "alright now all we need to do is pick some cha cha plants." Said Alaska as she tries shaking the water off. "well lets hurry and get this crap over with." Said the eye in a flustered tone. The three began wandering around the forest in search of this cha-cha plant. Alaska yells "over here! I found a patch of them!" the eye and man on fire hurry to where Alaska is. The cha cha plant was about 2 feet tall, with dark purple heart shaped flowers spouting from its thick green base. " alright guys pick as much flowers as you can and shove them in this potato sack." Alaska then pulls a potato sack from the eyes trench coat. When the mutants cleaned out the patch of cha chas, they decided to head back to wheatland. " wait a minute, how are we supposed to get back to that portal" said Alaska " well im sure as hell not going back in the water!" yelled the eye as she dug in her trench coat pocket " I have a simpler way. We get a plane back." Her sleeve reveals a credit card. "where did you get that credit card?" alaska asked hesitantly. " spiders wallet" chirped the eye.

Back at the cellar, the three re took their original positions. This time mixing the cha cha blossums with mrs. Buttersworth syrup, bleech, and nicotine. The eye began stirring the concoction in the tea pot. She then added the tea bags and laid the tea pot on man on fire's stomache. The eye hovers towards the mid evil table for meetings and begins scanning the floor for any signs of the crab creatures horn had previously launched in the chaotic meeting. Alaska, still perched on the corner of the cooking table, is completely puzzled by the eyes actions. Alaska says almost at a yell "ok, what up with this mixture? Are we making tea or meth here?" the eye, still crawling around on the floor, shifts her pupil toward Alaska and says as her eye brow lifts " not meth, but the perfect ingredients." Alaska interrupts " you best explain cuz ummm it doesn't seem correct" "well would you let me finish?" snapped eye. Alaska says quietly "yea." "well, the cha cha's are for mind control, the syrup is for covering the nasty flavor of the nicotine. The nicotine is to make the drinker addicted to the tea" "but what about the bleech?" said Alaska in a whiney voice. " the bleech is in there just because I think its funny that people will drink anything without reading the ingredients." The eye looks away while giggling and starts to speak again as she smacks something scurrying along the floor " and with this final ingredient horn will have control over any who dare to drink the tea" the eye hovers toward the tea pot and drops a little crab creature into it.

After the tea pot began whistling, the eye removed the tea pot from man on fire's belly. She then fed a spoon full to the black and white cat once more. Alaska quickly contacts horn threw the walkey talkey again. " alright horn! Try controlling the cat." With a confirming slurp from the other end of the line, a silence begins. Everyone was watching the cat in high hopes it would work. Nothing happened. Just as the eye began to give up on making this tea, the cat jumped up on its hind legs and began the pop lock and drop it dance. The eye grabs the walkey talkey and yells "horn is that you doing that? If it is make the cat do something else!" the three watched as the cat began head banging and playing an air guitar, then punched the bars of the cage and barked like a dog. The eye began a maniacal laugh and yelled " YES! WE DID IT! THE WORLD WILL BE AT OUR MERCY!" the stain came on the walkey talky and said sadly " guys I'm not so sure about this. I think we should stop this. This is a whole new low, even for us." A sudden buzz starts echoing in the walkey talkey, it was the fly. " get out of here! Go sleep in a dryer you goodie two shoe shirt! Don't listen to her. Keep that formula secure for the meeting next week. Good work guyzzzz"

Alaska says "hmm so where are we suppose to put this stuff?" man on fire gets off the table and charges towards the passage way. Man on fire turns and sees that neither of the other two mutants are coming. To get their attention, she begins making her fire truck siren sounds. The eye and Alaska look at each other. "well I guess we should go check out what she ran to." Eye said as she began hovering toward the passage way. As the eye hovered past the table, Alaska hopped upon her shoulder.

"WOULD YOU STOP MAKING THAT HORRID SOUND!" squealed the eye as she went through the passage way. The man on fire ceased her sirens. As Alaska tried seeing threw man on fire's smoke, she saw that man on fire had lead them to mystery man's area that was located between the eye's area which was an eye doctor chair with several lenses, and licky chicky's station, which was filled with lollipops. Mystery man's area was a random tan van. "excellent idea man on fire!" said Alaska as she began to bounce again. " no one would think to look in this van!" she suddenly stops bouncing " wait…. Mystery man ALWAYS keeps it locked. Damn." The eye begins shuffling her sleeve in her trench coat pocket again and says "relax simpletons. I got this." She whips out a huge golden key and hovers toward the van door as Alaska asks "umm where did you get the key?" The eye rolls her eye as she answers " I took mystery man's key last summer and made a copy for myself." "of coarse" said Alaska with sarcasm. As the three entered the van, they noticed that it was crammed full of sun flowers and rubber gloves. "I'm not even gonna ask" sneered the eye. They headed toward the bathroom cabinet and placed the ingredients in a pile of replacement toilet paper rolls. The eye then said " alright we will take turns coming back here to check on this stuff. I will go last. You two have fun deciding." The eye then hovered back toward the passage way which led toward the eventual exit of the cellar.

"well you stay here for today, ok man on fire." Alaska said as she started bouncing toward the passage way. " UGHHHHH" man on fire tried to protest, but Alaska was already gone.

The days went on and the mutants switched equally for guarding the tea. Tuesday had returned once more. Tebo decided to head on down to the club for the week's meeting. He had Barney on his screen singing and dancing with children as his excitement grew about the possible tea. As he entered the club, he saw the spider in her usual place, loaning out slurping sluts to nerds. The spider noticed tebo and motioned him to come closer. Tebo did a fast paced walk in his heels towards her as she made her way over to the personnel only door. When he reached her she said something to him, but the music was so loud tebo didn't catch it. "what was that?" he asked loudly. The spider repeated it a couple more times. Again tebo says loudly "what was that?" the music ends as spider yells "ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?" the new song begins playing as tebo yells "YES!"

As they make their way to the bottom of the stairs all the mutants were down in their areas because no one ever wanted to be the first to sit at the table. Tebo tapps threw the commotion in his heels and kneels at the table. After this, the mutants slowly but surely make their ways to their seats. Fish was the last to arrive. He flopped along the floor from his sewage portals in rage. " WHO THE HELL USED MY PORTALS AND DID NOT CLOSE THEM? THERE IS WATER ALL OVER THE FLOOR!" he flops into his chair gurgling up bubbles scanning the mutants. The eye looks away as her eye brow curved in an evil style and motioned to Alaska to keep quiet.

The only one not present at the table this time was horn. Where was she? The tv tapped his heel in worry. The usual chattering simmered as the sound of suction cups started again. As the shadow appeared on the side of the wall, this time she held some sort of jar in one of her tentacles. As she became visible the jar seemed to be a large tea jar. Horn began to rest her tentacles on her chair and sat the jar on the table. A silence began again. The spider looked at horn and said " horn are you ready to begin meeting number 3,680?" the horn shifted her beady eyes towards the spider and slurped. Spider then said " alirighty. We will cut right to the chase this week. Tebo proposed an idea for our take over. Eye, Alaska, and man on fire were left to come up with the product in which horn laid on the table." All the mutants let out an "ah" as they looked at the jar.

Horn shifted her eyes toward the eye and slurped quickly. Spider translated for eye " demonstrate for tebo." The eye quickly went and got another cat in a cage and brought it to the table. She then fed a spoon full of tea to the orange tabby. " alright everyone, check this out." Her pupil shifts to horn and she motions her sleeve in her direction "control it." The horn's horn began propelling like helicopter blades and she began slurping in a high pitch fashion. A silence begins. All the mutants stare at the cat with anticipation. The cat suddenly jumps off the table and runs into the passage way and grabs a violin. The cat returns and plays a Beethoven piece on the table flawlessly. The horn's horn propels once more and the cat begins jumping jacks and randomly pounces on doe boy and gets stuck in his doe. All the mutants clap and whistle in joy. The tv stands and the academy awards show appears on his screen. "great work." Tebo said as he stared at the cat. The horn began slurping and spider translated " horn says that we shall put the coupons for the tea in every slurping sluts bra to begin advertising, and you, walking radio, walk somewhere you know it will get attention! Once we sell a thousand tea bags we'll talk further. That is all for this week. Good night" the tv bowed at horn and said " I have the perfect place." All the mutants head to their areas as the tv walks toward the stairs and says "looks like I'm going back to Wheatland high."


End file.
